Taking care of your LU BU unit
by The RED Spy
Summary: How to take care of the LU BU unit. Inspired by Insertnameheretwentytimes's unit manuals.


**Introduction**

Congratulations fang-I mean, valued customers, for buying the second most popular unit of the Other line(See unit popularity pamphlet, which comes with your first purchase of any unit.). You bought him just so you could go out with him or use him to help bodybuild, didn't you? Come on, admit it! Anyways, like I said, he is the Other line's second most popular unit(Again, see the pamphlet you should have, unless you threw it away) Also known for being the Chuck Norris of the three kingdoms(Well, not historically, but no need to mention that to him.)

* * *

><p>Comes with:<p>

10 helmets with things on it.

His DW7 clothes.

His DW8 Clothes.

A Halbred.

1 Free Red Hare unit(You aren't allowed to ride it though.)

* * *

><p><strong>Basic Information<strong>

Name:Lu Bu

Gender:Male(You'd have to be blind to not notice this)

Other names:Chuck Norris, tough guy, bringer of death, wrecker of your shit.

Famous for:Being the Chuck Norris of the three kingdoms, inventing the spirt bomb, kicking ass.

Spouses:Diochan?

Children:Lu Lingqi

Appearance:Tall, muscular, has a peter griffin chin.

Build:Muscular

Age:N/A

Striking Features:He has a RED horse. How is that not going to stand out?

Height:How am I supposed to know? Who am I, his doctor?

Quirks:Has a badass theme, strong.

* * *

><p><strong>Instructions<strong>

Thankfully for you the red hare unit comes in a separate box, so no worries about having that much trouble getting it through the door. You may struggle with red hare a little, however. Oh yea, and be VERY CAREFUL when he comes out of the box. Startling him might make him think your a challenger and he'll wreck you instantly. Just try to keep him calm, but if you have a Diochan or Lu Lingq unit with you, this will be easier. But be careful, if you have the Diochan unit too close to you, he might kill you for trying to steal his girl.

Care

He's a grown man, he can take care of himself. But make sure you always keep your supplies stocked with meat. He will pretty much eat anything. To keep him entertain, let him watch T.V. But be warned, do not let him touch any buttons on your T.V or remote, or else he'll smash it due to his insane strength. This applies to any electronics you have. Even Nokia phones will crumble to dust if he touches one.

How to keep him happy

You could pretty much use anything to entertain him, but be warned, he will not accept anything girly(So no MLP for you bronys out there). If you can't find a controller strong enough for him to use it and it not break instantly, pretty much any non-girly or non-for little kids game will entertain him. Having the Diochan unit will manage to keep him happier with you, unless you anger Diochan. Having the Lu Lingqi unit will help since she's his daughter. The Chen Gong and Zhang Liao(But be warned, he must be in his Lu Bu forces' clothes, not his Wei clothes or they might fight) will help to, but to a lesser extent. If you have any Wei or Shu unit(Besides the Zhang Liao unit) get rid of them unless you want them to die. This is the same with the Dong Zhou unit(But why would you have one anyways?). The Hua Xiong generic unit(Which why are we even selling generic units?) will not help at all. The DW7 empires one may help just a little bit, but it's not even noticeable.

The Lu Bu unit will either leave you or kill you if you:

Challenge him to a fight. You will die.

You have the Diochan unit and anger her and she convinces him to turn against you.

You mock him.

You show weakness(He'll probably kill you for it)

You anger him.

You try to get in on the Diochan unit when you have him.

Koei takes him.

You die.

PRECAUTIONS, MUST BE READ!

Do NOT give this unit a gun of any kind, if you do, RUN FOR THE HILLS! And he will kill many people.

Do not leave this unit alone in public at any times! No! Don't! Someone may make him mad and you know what will happen!

Do not let him see this manual, he will track me down and kill me!(Or kill you out of anger first).

* * *

><p>Voice Options:<p>

Current voice:Default

Thats literally the only option...

Special skills:

Chinese speaker and translator(You're better off using Google Translate to translate Chinese though.)

Bodyguard(Locked until bond is high)

Anything opener(Be warned, he may crush the contents.)

Modes:

Chuck Norris(Default)

Father and Daughter(With the Lu Lingqi unit)

Killer

Romancing:

Females:If your strong enough to impress him and don't have the Diochan unit, go for it. But you must be pretty strong, or when you have sex, your gonna have a bad time.

Males:If you disguise yourself as a female... Maybe? If he finds out, your gonna have a bad time.

Interactions:

Diochan:His girl.

Lu Lingqi:His daughter

Chen Gong:His strategist

Zhang Liao:His general and sort of his bud.

Dong Zhou:At one time his adopted father. Then he killed him.

Cao Cao:Ordered his death.

Xiahou Dun:Lost one of his eye's due to him.

FAQ's

_Why does he come with a free Red Hare unit?_

He'd might kill any buyers because he might think they stole his horse.

_Can I be in a threesome with him and Diochan?_

The odds are highly unlikely, unless they like you a lot.

_Can I have babies with him?_

No.

_Help! I had sex with him and now I'm pregnant!_

This isn't possible, all of our unit are infertile to humans.


End file.
